by Dr. Mandill E. Kim
The most cherished moment in every woman's life is the first time she sees her parents taking a shower. This is followed closely by the day she finally gets her beekeeping license. However, the 11th most cherished moment in every woman's life is the day she learns she's having a baby. As a doctor, I urge you to review the information below if you are considering having or leasing a baby.
*** In this country, we have over-complicated the simple process of childbearing. In most other cultures, having a baby is as simple as getting the morning newspaper. Once a day a youngster on a bicycle peddles along the street, tossing newborns onto the porches of his subscribers. Sometimes, of course, the baby lands in the shrubbery or gets stuck up on the roof. When this happens, the parents-to-be are given a free month of HBO.
*** Breastfeeding an infant only made sense thousands of years ago, when the men of the tribe were skilled at hunting and trapping wild breasts. Today's babies much prefer tuna on toast.
*** In Dr. Mandill E. Kim's new birthing pamphlet, you'll learn how a simple car battery and a set of jumper cables puts your baby's due date back in your hands, where it belongs.
*** As the time to have your baby draws near, you will need to decide which type of delivery you prefer: Gothic or Slapstick. Your decision will determine which type of shovel your doctor uses in the operating room.
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